CLOSURE AFTER 18 YEARS!

August 18th, 2015 will make 18 years that my daughter passed away. :-(

Some may understand this and some May not!  We've never gotten a head stone for our daughter, even after 18 years of her being gone.  For a long time I blamed my finances and anything else I could think of but the reality was, I didn't want to face closure.  :-/

I guess I felt if I got her head stone, I had to admit she was gone and never returning.  I'm sure this sounds strange to some of you..... But one will never understand unless you've been through a similar situation.  I just imagined one day she would come back.... Not sure how that was gonna happen but as a mother, facing the death of your child is unimaginable!  I NEVER thought I would be someone burying my own.  Who wants to continue life after losing an innocent child?  She was 3 years old when she passed and she was sassy, smart, tell it like it is but most of all, a true worshiper of the King Jesus!  

Today my family and I gathered around her stone that was placed early this week, to finally say our "see you later!" :-(  It's hard for me to grasp that I'm leaving and I can't take her with me. Kinda brings me back to when I needed to leave her at the funeral home for her preparations.  One of the hardest moments of my life.  

As the tears roll down my face and thinking of her sweet face..... I can't imagine her not wanting us all to be together for her baby nieces grand entrance in California!  Julie (RIP), thank you for the 3 years of excitement, love, memories, hope and fun!  You've been missed for the last 18 years and there's NEVER a day we don't think of you!  Your memories live in us to tell the world!  

We Love you baby girl!  Now as I finally depart this state and move across country, you can rest easy with your head stone.  I am now ready, to let go!  :-/  What a challenge this has been.  But even with these tears in my eyes, I am at peace.  NEVER FORGOTTEN!  RIP BABY GIRL!  It is finished! 

Julie Yvette Gonzalez (RIP), Feb 10th, 1994 - Aug 18th, 1997

Kudos to ALL you mommies that have lost a child and still managing to live on.  You are an inspiration, strong and courageous!  I love you! Xoxo ❤️

COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN

Being pregnant at 16 years of age was shameful enough.  I'm grateful that in spite of that, God redeemed me and loved me anyway! 

As a child (16 years old), I never realized the ramifications that birth would bring to my body!  It simply didn't dawn on me that my belly would stretch to the extreme of making visible lines that would mark me forever.  

So I deliver my beautiful 7lb 3oz baby girl, and let me tell you, she was absolutely gorgeous and worth every stretch mark!  But as I got older and realized that I could no longer wear a bikini, I became very self conscious of my body.  Although I am so called "thin," my body stayed covered with full bathing suits during beach time, summer time, etc!  

Welp, at a whopping 42 years of age now, I can only think of my beautiful friend Maggie!  This beautiful human being always told me to be comfortable in my own skin!  And although it's very difficult at times, she's simply stating the truth!  No one can be more beautiful in your skin than you!  

This post is not the norm for me, and I'm not looking for any sympathy by no means, but I do want to encourage all of those that feel the same way!   To each it's own!!  If you're comfy in your skin, kudos!  If you're not, it's ok!  One day be Bold and be strong to do it!  At least once in your life, put on a bikini! 👙😁❤️

My body isn't perfect and I thank my four beautiful daughters for it!  I wouldn't change that for the world!   I've been accepted by God, my amazing husband, who tells me I'm sexy (lol), and I can say that I've done absolutely NOTHING to change this body!  Everything is mine! 😁 No boobs, buttocks, belly implants!  No fat or cellulite removal either.  No lifting weights or crunches for a firm butt etc..... Geesh the list goes on and on!  Although tempted lol I have not done it.  America paints pictures of what a perfect body looks like.  Truth be told, there isn't a perfect body out there.  Everyone has flaws.  

No offense to anyone that have made changes to themselves or want too!  I'm just grateful that I have life, breath, and just being fine with who God intended me to be.  

All this to say, I'm on vacation in Puerto Rico and I'm not ashamed to show my motherhood scars!!  I'm being brave and as my husband grabs my hand to walk to the beach, he reassured me of my own beauty that he loves!  Thank you baby for always loving me in spite of my own insecurities! ❤️👙 💏💋🌊🌴💃😍

Life isn't promised today, tomorrow, or any other day.  Make it count now with who you are.  This is just my own testimony of being happy in my own skin ❤️ At 42 years old!

  #Dontjudgeme 💋