CLOSURE AFTER 18 YEARS!

August 18th, 2015 will make 18 years that my daughter passed away. :-(

Some may understand this and some May not!  We've never gotten a head stone for our daughter, even after 18 years of her being gone.  For a long time I blamed my finances and anything else I could think of but the reality was, I didn't want to face closure.  :-/

I guess I felt if I got her head stone, I had to admit she was gone and never returning.  I'm sure this sounds strange to some of you..... But one will never understand unless you've been through a similar situation.  I just imagined one day she would come back.... Not sure how that was gonna happen but as a mother, facing the death of your child is unimaginable!  I NEVER thought I would be someone burying my own.  Who wants to continue life after losing an innocent child?  She was 3 years old when she passed and she was sassy, smart, tell it like it is but most of all, a true worshiper of the King Jesus!  

Today my family and I gathered around her stone that was placed early this week, to finally say our "see you later!" :-(  It's hard for me to grasp that I'm leaving and I can't take her with me. Kinda brings me back to when I needed to leave her at the funeral home for her preparations.  One of the hardest moments of my life.  

As the tears roll down my face and thinking of her sweet face..... I can't imagine her not wanting us all to be together for her baby nieces grand entrance in California!  Julie (RIP), thank you for the 3 years of excitement, love, memories, hope and fun!  You've been missed for the last 18 years and there's NEVER a day we don't think of you!  Your memories live in us to tell the world!  

We Love you baby girl!  Now as I finally depart this state and move across country, you can rest easy with your head stone.  I am now ready, to let go!  :-/  What a challenge this has been.  But even with these tears in my eyes, I am at peace.  NEVER FORGOTTEN!  RIP BABY GIRL!  It is finished! 

Julie Yvette Gonzalez (RIP), Feb 10th, 1994 - Aug 18th, 1997

Kudos to ALL you mommies that have lost a child and still managing to live on.  You are an inspiration, strong and courageous!  I love you! Xoxo ❤️

COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN

Being pregnant at 16 years of age was shameful enough.  I'm grateful that in spite of that, God redeemed me and loved me anyway! 

As a child (16 years old), I never realized the ramifications that birth would bring to my body!  It simply didn't dawn on me that my belly would stretch to the extreme of making visible lines that would mark me forever.  

So I deliver my beautiful 7lb 3oz baby girl, and let me tell you, she was absolutely gorgeous and worth every stretch mark!  But as I got older and realized that I could no longer wear a bikini, I became very self conscious of my body.  Although I am so called "thin," my body stayed covered with full bathing suits during beach time, summer time, etc!  

Welp, at a whopping 42 years of age now, I can only think of my beautiful friend Maggie!  This beautiful human being always told me to be comfortable in my own skin!  And although it's very difficult at times, she's simply stating the truth!  No one can be more beautiful in your skin than you!  

This post is not the norm for me, and I'm not looking for any sympathy by no means, but I do want to encourage all of those that feel the same way!   To each it's own!!  If you're comfy in your skin, kudos!  If you're not, it's ok!  One day be Bold and be strong to do it!  At least once in your life, put on a bikini! 👙😁❤️

My body isn't perfect and I thank my four beautiful daughters for it!  I wouldn't change that for the world!   I've been accepted by God, my amazing husband, who tells me I'm sexy (lol), and I can say that I've done absolutely NOTHING to change this body!  Everything is mine! 😁 No boobs, buttocks, belly implants!  No fat or cellulite removal either.  No lifting weights or crunches for a firm butt etc..... Geesh the list goes on and on!  Although tempted lol I have not done it.  America paints pictures of what a perfect body looks like.  Truth be told, there isn't a perfect body out there.  Everyone has flaws.  

No offense to anyone that have made changes to themselves or want too!  I'm just grateful that I have life, breath, and just being fine with who God intended me to be.  

All this to say, I'm on vacation in Puerto Rico and I'm not ashamed to show my motherhood scars!!  I'm being brave and as my husband grabs my hand to walk to the beach, he reassured me of my own beauty that he loves!  Thank you baby for always loving me in spite of my own insecurities! ❤️👙 💏💋🌊🌴💃😍

Life isn't promised today, tomorrow, or any other day.  Make it count now with who you are.  This is just my own testimony of being happy in my own skin ❤️ At 42 years old!

  #Dontjudgeme 💋

GET UP AND DO IT!

You ever think, "how can God love someone like me?  I've done so many things wrong?  I haven't trusted God enough!  Why does God bother in continuing to show me mercy?"

We make the same errors over and over and don't even realize that we've been set up once again.  Sometimes we think the mess were in feels so good and don't realize until it's too late that that mess has made a bigger hole for us to dig out of!  Our hearts are shattered, our souls cry deeper, we yearn even stronger to be complete but Only God can take you out of all that has weighed you down and restore you, your heart and mind!

So we cry out to God because the pain is soooo deep!  We realize it's too much to bear on our own, and the feeling of failure once again has sat on the thrown to try and destroy us.  Friendships have been destroyed, relationships are broken, and life seems hopeless.  How can we ever overcome such hurt?!  

We all fall short of the glory of God!  We all need The Savior.  He says come to me and I will give you rest.  Ask The Lord to remove the scales from your eyes.  You are not alone and whatever you're going through, remember that it's temporary!  His mercies are new every morning and He will not leave you nor forsake you.  Our God is not a temporary God, He has eternal life for you!

If you need to crawl out of the ditch you're in, DO IT!  If you need change, DO IT!  If you want God to move on your behalf, TRUST HIM, HE'LL DO IT!  If you don't want to hurt any longer, remove yourself from the situation and allow God the time to heal your shattered heart!  He just wants to love on you!  Will you let Him?

Trust in The Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your path!
Proverbs 3:4-5

If you messed up, GET UP!  If you fell, GET UP!  If tired, GET UP!  Don't do it for anyone else but do it for YOU!  There's ONLY one you AND YOU'RE needed here!  Fight back for your life!

God has great plans for your life.  Let Him be your guide, comforter, healer, source of strength and most of ALL,  Father!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

Be Encouraged!

STOP FORCING LIFE!

Life...... 

If it's meant to be, it will all fall into place!  There are times that we want things to happen for us so bad that we feel the need to "help God out!" 

How dangerous for us to continue to think that God needs our help!  He is God alone!  

If it's God approved, the doors will open, the papers will be signed, the delivery will be on time, and the place will be set!!  If the door keeps slamming in your face and you keep trying to pry it open..... Don't be mad at God when your end result didn't look the way you wanted it!  He was clearly sending you red flags and because your so desperate, you can't see past His warnings!  It doesn't mean it won't happen and maybe it's just a delay but take heed to the warnings of God!     

STOP forcing life when God has a life Orchestrated just for you!  God just wants the best life for you!  You can do this!  Talk to God and take heed.  God doesn't make mistakes and His ways are perfect! He's got you!  

23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives.

Psalm 37:23

Be Encouraged! ❤️

BEAUTY IN BROKENNESS

Reflecting...... 

About two and a half weeks ago I had a job interview for a position that I had not planned on applying for.  

After pondering if I should apply for the job and with the motivation of family and friends, I applied.  

Although my life has not been completely bad, there have been many times that I've said, "I'm not good enough, I don't qualify, and I don't think I can do it!"  

The morning of my interview, full of butterflies and worries, I was prompted to put my pin on from "Beauty in Brokenness."  I heard the clear voice of God and He said "go put your pin on!"  (Mind you, I don't wear my pin often, only on special occasions)!  

So I go and put my pin on and I look in the mirror and The Lord spoke to me again and said, "I have created you! Daughter of mine, you are more then qualified!  I have made every detail of you carefully so that you would bring change to the world.  A hope that one would find Only in Me!  And although man disqualifies you, I The Lord breathed life to you and made you more than enough!  

"The pin that you are wearing is a pin that was made from broken pieces, unused items, and pretty much objects that needed to go in the trash," BUT God!  

The Lord reminded me at that moment that although I had been someone that was broken, stripped, wounded, used up, tried, discouraged, and hurt......... He mended me, loved me, encouraged me, blessed me, gave me strength, and told me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made!  He made ME whole again!  Although I was broken, He fixed me!  He made me beautiful even in my brokenness!  

Needless to say, after 3 interviews, I got the job as a Community School Director!  God is faithful and He reminds me that He takes care of His people!  Never in a million years did I think Id hold a position as a Director in the Corporate World!  I'm truly blessed and looking forward to working with the School, Youth, Families and the Community of Hartford!  Never let anyone tell you that you can't do something!  If God is for you, who can be against you?! 

Thank you Lord for Pastor Susana Viera that you would give her such a vision with the ministry, "Beauty in Brokenness!"  

If you'd like to purchase a pin, please email Pastor Suzie at suev62@icloud.com. All of these pins are hand crafted by her and not one is the same!  It's made from buttons, and other pieces that are at home and not being put to use! The message and testimony that comes with it is very powerful!  Buy one for yourself, a friend, a wife, or loved one!  Anyone that owns one will truly be blessed!  Be encouraged and know that God always has the final say! ❤️ 

So, Here's my pic on my interview Day 1 with my pin! 😁❤️

SOME FRIENDSHIPS HAVE TO GO

Listen! When you feel like your doing the most to be someone's friend and they don't respond to you or even acknowledge you, please know it's time to move on.

No hard feelings but they cannot be apart of the next chapter of your life and that's OK! You will survive because your strong, blessed and highly favored.

Stop hurting yourself by trying to continue a friendship that is clearly dead! Move on. There are more people in the world that would love to be apart of your future.

Stay blessed folks! And remember that you always have a friend in Jesus! He won't turn His back on you and that's a fact Jack!

Be Encouraged! 

LIFETIME CONNECTIONS

Sometimes God connects us with seasonal people. Sometimes God connects us with lifetime people.

I'm grateful for the seasonal people because I've learned that we can not be connected Forever. It is JUST a season! So when that season is over, clean up and get prepared for the next season.

I am forever grateful for lifetime connections! These are the people that are there in the good, the great, the bad, and the ugly! With lifetime connections, growth happens, no judgments, and there's motivation to do better.

Letting go of seasonal connections might not be easy for one reason or another, but it's not impossible. It might hurt, but hurt doesn't last always. Joy comes in the morning.

I'm grateful for all of those that have cross my path, and look forward to many more. If Christ loves me just the way I am, and He's the perfect example, then I choose to love just as much!

I'm not perfect and have made MANY errors in life, but how will I learn without making mistakes first. Getting back up and knowing there is support from lifetime connections makes life a bit smoother.

Love, but not just love, love harder, forgive, move forward, do everything in excellence, and press forward as a team! It gets better!

Be Encouraged