I AM WHO GOD MADE ME TO BE! (PART 1)

As I look back over the years of who I used to be and who I am today, I'm truly grateful to the Almighty God for saving me.


Growing up in the Northend of Hartford, CT was not the easiest life for my family.  My mother was a young mom.  She was pregnant and married at age 17 to my father and by 18 she was having her second child, which was ME :).    After giving birth to two children, my mother decided to not have anymore kids.  So it was me and my brother. 


After 3 years my mother and father separated due to my father's infidelity.  My father fathered another child with another women while married to my mother.  Although I was young and didn't understand what was going on, all I knew was I was missing my dad.  I would cry every night.  I just wanted my daddy. 


All this time that I was crying through out each night, I never knew that my big brother (which was only 4 years old at the time) was listening to me.  This effected my brother so much that he became a very angry, bitter, and resentful boy.  He had little patience, and was very protective of me. 


My mother became a strong lady.  She was determined to get over my father and take care of her children by herself.  She decided that she would not go out to party and drink, or date anyone else for a year.  My mom said "I'm going to love and take care of you guys with or without your father".  My mother stood true to her word.  She was faithful till the end. 


A year passed by. My mother finally went out to enjoy the club scenary and that's where she met my step-father.  Mind you, my step-father was only 19 and my mother I believe was 21 or 22 back then.  Eventually, they stayed together.  He would play with me and my brother.  However, he was a no nonsense step-dad.  He demanded respect and he got it.  He was strict but he was GREAT to us.  He loved my mom and my mom loved him.  That's all that mattered. 


When I reached the age of 7, My mom decided she would visit a church with a friend.  Well load and behold, the Pastor's wife asked me "would you like to receive Jesus in your life as your Lord and Savior?  I accepted.  I guess at that age I wasn't too sure about what I was doing.  However, in time, it became very clear.  Although I had accepted Jesus into my life..... I made many errors and learned the hard way on the things of life. 


By the time I was 8 years old, my mom and step-dad decided to marry. They too had accepted the Lord in their lives and surrendered themselves to Him.  We lived a great life.  We were called the Cosby Family.  Every weekend, my mother would clean the whole house and we would drive to New York and shop.  We did everything as a family, from church vacations, dinners, rollerskating, Love Feasts @ the church, and etc.  These are just a few things I enjoyed.... :)


Although I lived a great life..... there was still something missing...... My biological father!  My step-father did a great job raising us and doing what my father should have..... but he was still absent.  My biological father became a drug addict after the break up with my mom.  As I got older, I began to understand that he was under life controlling substance and there was no way possible he could have ever been a father to me and my brother. 


Rejection became a factor in my life due to the absence of my father.  Growing up, I felt as if my dad didn't love me and he was rejecting us, (Although now I know that wasn't the case).   So rejection was difficult.  All I wanted was the love of my father.  After a little while, I became rebellious, smart mouth, "I know it all", and I just didn't want to hear it from NO ONE!   I was getting into fights at school, and I didn't care who it was... I was ready to release all that was building up inside, which in the end, lead to 8 suspensions from school.   I was the tough girl that had many friends.  However, I never bullied anyone.... lol  (Let me be clear).  I just didn't tolerate people trying to run over, bully, or hurt me.  Being this tough girl... I had decided that i wanted to be a Police Officer when I got older..... However, those plans changed............


By the time I was 16 years old I became pregnant with my first daughter, which is now 22 years old.  The disappointment was unbearable for me.  I was embarrased that I embarrased my parents by getting pregnant at such a young age.  My parents were leaders in the church, & great role models.  My mother was the Worship Leader and a Prayer Warrior, my Father was a Deacon and one of the Humblest people around.   I felt horrible.... I shamed them. 


Although this is what I thought they were feeling, it was far from the truth.  My parents were very upset, but they still embraced me and loved me.  They never made me feel bad about what happened or discouraged me.  They gave me the love that ONLY CHRIST could give.  This is when I understood the Love of Christ.  They didn't reject me and tell me to GET OUT!  They simply loved me and cared for me.  I thought my life was over, but it was just the beginning. :)


Even though I was young, my mother and father taught me how to be responsible.  Well, so much for being a Police Officer.  That dream went right out the window when Kayla Marie arrived in my arms.  Perfect little human being..... beautiful in every way.  I couldn't even think of putting my life in danger and risk my daughter growing up without me as her mom, due to being a Police Officer.  Change of plans for my life.  So even though I thought I would be an Officer, God knew different. :)

That's why the Bible says, "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts", says the Lord.  And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."  Isaiah 55:8. 


Going through that experience alone was just the beginning of me learning how to Trust the Lord with everything that is within me.  Today..... even with it's daily challenges..... I STILL Trust Him.  If it wasn't for Christ where would I be?  If your going through a time in your life where you feel rejected, unloved and you need the Love of your Father..... I know a FATHER that will never leave you, nor forsake you! 

 Joshua 1:5 says, "For I will be with you as I was with Moses.  I will not fail you or abandon you." 

His name is Jesus Christ.  It doesn't matter what you have done, or what you haven't done.  Jesus died on the cross and paid the price for you and for me.   I'm glad that God made me..... to be me!  I'm not perfect.... FAR from it, but the God I serve is perfect, and day in and day out I strive to live like him. 


This is just the beginning of my life.... there is so much more to tell.  I pray that you are ministered to through out each post.....God is simply amazing.  God bless